So my competition entry is due in 48 hours and I haven’t even started putting it together…
GUYS I JUST HIT A NEW NOTES RECORD OMG I BROKE 2000 I DON’T EVEN HAVE 2000 FOLLOWERS THIS IS A BIG DEAL THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH
Thanks! This is exactly what I’m looking for…Keep coming with the suggestions and feedback!
I have in fact decided to enter the Button Poetry Publication competition, and I need your opinions! This is going to be a masterpost of the poems I have narrowed my list down to. I would love it if you all could briefly look over it and tell me which ones you think I should cut or include! Also, if one of your favourites of my works is not included, message me!
Please do keep in mind that this is a competition for a poetry collection, so I am keeping the works to the longer ones or ones I have written as spoken word.
Now, let’s do this!
Do not wear contact lenses if you are in a situation where you may be tear-gassed. When I went through basic training, we were warned that there was a possibility the tear gas they were using could melt contact lenses.
for any of my followers in potentially dangerous situations right now
i got really sick. you see, it was the kind of sick where
you have to learn to take your first big pill, you know the
one, the one that gets stuck in your throat and makes you
gag until it comes out with your dinner and then you’re left
with tear streaks at the kitchen table at 2am because your
tummy hurts and you woke daddy up with your sobs,
so he cuts it in half to make you swallow the medicine that
everyone says will make you so much better.
the pill was a gel cap.
it left a bitter, unpleasant kind of
metallic taste in my mouth, much like the one i had when
you called me useless the first time.
next time, you told me
my shirt made me look fat so i swallowed your words like
a pill that’s too big and gets lodged in your tiny throat and
then let myself vomit them out until only water and stomach
acid dragged through my esophagus, but i kept going until
you asked me why my lips burned yours when we kissed.
you wouldn’t touch me for two weeks after that because
you said my lips were too cracked but i knew you meant
my heart, because one touch wrong and it would shatter in
your hands but sometimes i think that was your ultimate
goal, to watch me disintegrate before you and turn to
a pile of dust on your hardwood floor that never quite comes
out of the cracks.
sometimes, i think about going back to your house and trying to
sweep what’s left of me out of there.
sometimes, i wonder if instead of giving you my heart, i gave
you too much of me and the dust in your floorboards is what
was left of my soul when i came to you.
they give me pills and tell me they’ll help me get over you.
the taste like the first time you called me useless.
they taste like heartbreak and disappointment.
they taste like you."
I have this odd affinity for loving exactly what is wrong for me. And you, my love, are the worst.
thesoulpages || (c.n.p)
At home in bed sick and lonely :(
It doesn’t feel like a crush. When we hug it feels so right, when we lock eyes across the room and smile, it feels like a secret only we know but he’s not over her. We’d be so good together.
thesoulpages || ((c.n.p))
I wonder if you found pleasure in ruining me."
I love a boy who despises me and is in love with my best friend. She doesn’t like him, but toys with him just to get to me.
Ten Word Story || (c.n.p)
Everything seems to be falling apart and I can’t pick myself up.
-thesoulpages || (c.n.p) ((something I wrote when I realized recovery is unrealistic))
you’re always in my head?"
We comforted each other and kissed and cuddled, but he has a girlfriend and I feel guilty as hell. I’m totally confused about my sudden feelings for him but now he’s ignoring me anyway. I hate this.
Ten Word Story
thesoulpages || (c.n.p)
I currently force myself to be happy and smiley. But it gets worse. Today I had to cut the word smile out and spraypaint it on wood. It’s getting harder to force myself. I’m scared.
theotherwinchester replied to your post “I really don’t understand why everyone thinks it’s so OKAY to…”
Some people say that their scars are beautiful because it makes them feel better about them. I understand that they trigger you, but if someone wants to say that their scars are beautiful, you don’t get to tell them they’re wrong.
Okay, I will clarify.
If you are a self harmer, and you have scars, and you think they’re beautiful, great!! I mean that! But the fact that it has become a norm, especially on tumblr, to glamorize the act of self harm or act like it’s a status symbol to have scars, that makes me sick.
My aunt told me she thought I was cutting simply because it would make me look stronger, give me ‘battle scars’. No. That is not why I cut. But some people genuinely believe that cutting will give them these so called 'battle scars' and that disgusts me. So this post was not me saying your scars can’t be beautiful, it was me saying it should not be socially accepted as a sign of beauty. You are beautiful with or without scars, and I believe people have taken the seriousness away from self harm in the recent years as it is becoming very common, but not for legitimate psychological reasons. Young girls and boys are cutting because it’s what they see on tumblr and think that if they get sad for a few hours, they should go slice their body open to show the world they were sad. That’s not how self harm works. This post was me being angry for people thinking that if they’ve met one self harmer, they’ve met us all. We aren’t all the same and we don’t all do it for the same reason. So now, Im going to restate the end of my original post:
(to anyone who thinks they know my life because they have seen my scars)
Don’t act like you understand us.